END OF SPM!!!!!

Looks like the long exams has already ended. 3 long weeks suffering has finally ended!!!!! What to do? I don't really know. But somehow I feel sad that all my friends that I love so much is going so go our separate ways in the future. I just can't bear to see them leaving. 5 years being together ends abruptly after a long exams. I wish I can still go and see them and perhaps have outings with them in the future. I hope. =/

Asking Her For Prom

Just a day ago, I heard about a prom coming up and I was excited to invite the girl I like to be my date. Last time, I confessed my feelings to her with no success but I was determined not to just let it go without giving it a last try. So as usual, I asked her out to be my date for prom. The first thing she said was another guy has invited her but she hasn't answered him yet. I was torn but still motivated. I then asked her what I could do in order for her to go prom with me. Her conditions were that I buy a dress for her since she didn't have one and the other condition was to get her a ticket if her mum would allow her to go with me. I was excited and gave her a simple yes as this may be the last time I would be able to go out with her.

Right after that conversation, I went back and took out my phone and drew a invitation picture just for her and gave it to her. Her first reaction was "OMG". I was confused about that reaction but tried to stay calm. She then threw me a question that really shocked me to the core. She asked me "Why do you want to be your date for prom?" It took me some time and was able to only say "cause I like you." I know it sounds stupid but what could I say? It isn't my nature to be asked this kind of movies but no worries. In my mind, all I was thinking was for her to just go with me so I could spend some time withe her. In desperation to salvage what I just said, I asked her to just think about it.

The feeling of failing in my last attempt to ask her out is really killing me inside. I'm fine if she can't go out with me if she decides to but sometimes I think perhaps a last ditch of attempt might be worth it. God, please help me.

Bitch Please!!!!

Today, as my family and I went to Mid Valley to buy my brother a phone for him since he hasn't had a phone for almost  months already. After buying a phone for him, my dad and my mother decided to go to the Samsung shop in order to get me another as well. Thrills filled my body as I wanted to get a new phone for such a long time already.

When we entered the shop, we were looking at a couple of phones that interested me really a lot for example the new Samsung Galaxy S III. After that, we started looking a Galaxy Note. My parents then asked me if I wanted it and of course. I would say yes. After the purchase, that was when I started really getting angry because my parents suddenly said they would only allow me to use the phone on weekends. I was then thinking to myself, why do I want a phone that as exactly the same functions as my original phone?!?!? Fuck them! Secondly, they said that I would only get the phone after my exams which is like 2 months before it ends! If they want to give me something, they should give it to me rather than in half's! If there is one thing that I know, is they both really pissed me off today! FUCK THEM!

Which Group Do I Choose???

In life, we can always say we have different faces. Some having more than just two. For my case, I have three. Life can be a little difficult especially when it comes to really choosing which face you should really be.

For me, my first face is my class group. We speak mostly in Cantonese and Mandarin. Life seems really great and we can call each other as a gang because we would walk around together and acting cool.

The second face which I have is my Christian group. As the name says it, means we all are Christians and as usual. Life needs to be a little more "holy" compared to the first group. Things can be really fun at times when we work together and solve problems as a group. We have camps and activities together as well and bonding gets easy with them. It is as if life just feels better around them. The sad part is I'm not that close to them and we only meet up for a short period of time in a day sometimes not at all. So life with them is more like a session that will soon pass.

For the third face that I have is the crazy group. This face is a face that many people don't see. Mainly because this face mostly shows with my clicks. There are only three of us in total and we all speak English which isn't a problem. We go crazy and technically we would try to stick together as a group through thick or thin but the sad thing is. Once you get close to a certain type of people, they wouldn't mind holding back their opinions or should I say insults. Life can get really high and sometimes really low as they throw insults in your face without considering your feelings. For example today when one made an insult that ticked me off real bad that I cursed him without even thinking. Anger can get a hold of me at times and I still show it when I really feel angry.

For today, my class group and one of my crazy group went out for a meal. Things seemed really weird as we mostly spoke in Cantonese while my friend could hardly make out a word we were saying. In the end we had to speak in English just to make conversations better between all of us. I really feel pissed at such things because I can't keep this up. Sooner or later my life will sway towards one face and the others will just have to give in. But before that happens, I must make a decision which is for the better before my life becomes a spiral between faces.

 So Help Me God.

Having so much stress about these things

          Why does so many things have to trouble me? This here, this that. I can't bare the these things any more cause I just don't understand why I have to handle people's problems while I still have so many problems myself. The worst thing is I got more problems compared to you. Please note this, I might not help not because I don't want to but because I can't at the moment.

Hoping to be single until the right time

          Having a love is so difficult and yet sometimes I just don't understand how to really know weather or not the person has the same feelings for you or not. There was a girl that I really loved and I just thought that she had the same feelings for me as well. So as usual, I asked her to be mine and she didn't seem keen and so I wasted to give her some time for her to think. It was a week after when I received her answer.

        During the week, I could feel that she was trying to avoid any phone calls with me and she seemed to be really down. I wondered if she was doing it just to stay away from me and that was when I knew that she didn't have the same feelings for me as well. I was sad and a sense of failure started to sink in my heart as a I knew her answer had a really high chance or a rejection. My heart sank I but I never wanted her to know it cause I was afraid that she would feel guilty and it would kill me even more. So I just kept my thought and sadness to myself. She will never know how I feel.

Is It Suppose To Like This

              Just recently, I have been trying to bring up the question on weather we should be more than friends but yet every single time I talk to you on the phone or even message. I just can't seem to get the courage and ask you. We talk and sometimes I get so excited that I start asking stupid questions and talk a little weirdly. Why is it that I can't seem to ask you that simple question? And why do I always feel like I'm saying the wrong words? I'm really so confused, can you help me out and give me a chance?

Getting Ready!!!!

                Here it comes, the moment that each and everyone of us that has not been waiting for. And that is a wonderful exam called SPM!!!!!! Every single day brings me closer to this very moment where it will determine whether or not I get a wonderful or a not so wonderful future. Every single day, rushing to study and catch up with so many things I left out. Now, my life is all about studies. Goodbye events, goodbye girlfriend, goodbye games and say hello to exams. Why can't it be much later? I can't escape the fact that life is going to be very messy very fast. Can someone just save me from this torture?!?!?!?

Boring Day

        First day of school after the two weeks of holidays. And today, there was so little things to do and I couldn't believe how boring school actually was. I just wish that the exam results will not make me sad.

The New Pet Of The House

        The new pet of the house is finally here! After the incident of my fighting fish where he died, we decided what to get as another pet and today. I finally made up my mind when I was at the pet store. There was a small red prawn there just sitting at the conner of the store and I knew, that was the pet for me. Yes it might be small but it is just what I need. This is the first prawn that I have as a pet and I'm really excited to see the prawn grow. I also then made up my mind to name this tiny little fellow RED.

A Long Day Out

           Today it has been a really long day out for me. Since 7.30am in the morning I have been at church helping out until 7.00pm. I couldn't believe this sense of stress and energy that I have used today. And the fondness in my heart is still here wishing that we could be together again. I really miss you but yet I don't dare to tell you cause I'm afraid you will think differently of me. How can I cope with this lack of energy and love at the same time? Really confused.

Best International Understanding Day

         Today the best thing that I have been hoping for has happened! For the whole holiday, I have been rotting at home and was really putting my hopes up for this historical day. I never expected it to be so fun and exciting. I thought it was just going to be a normal IU but yet Convent Bukit Nanas had proved me wrong, so very wrong. It was my first IU in this school and I was actually imagining how the school would look like, the wild imaginations that was running through my mind. And the theme of this IU was JUNGLE MADNESS!!! It was an event that was suppose to build the awareness to save the forest and trees. 

       In the morning, the registrations opened at 0800hours and it was a really hot morning while my friends and I waited for it to open. After the registrations, we all headed into the hall to put down our things and left the hall because the event would only start at 0900hours. At the moment, I was walking around chilling with my friends and just looking around the school compound. It wasn't really big but yet it was functional. It was then when I laid eyes on my beloved friend which I haven't seen in almost a year and she looked great!

      Clock strikes 0900hours and we all were anxious at what was about to come. First, the opening ceremony and speeches made from the principle and the people that was in charge of it. Of course, that was the most boring part of any event when everyone has to just sit there and listen. After the speech, there was a simple video made from the girls of CBN. It wasn't a long one but yet it was a really funny but yet it got us to look at different angle on why we should save the environment.

     Not long after, we had a group of girls from CBN that performed for us. There was dance, music and singing everywhere. The crowd was shouting and screaming at the top of their lungs and it really made me smile and laugh along with them. About 1010hours, it was our break time for some food and drinks. We then headed to the canteen and there was food provided for us. But the thing that made me wonder was why did the boys have to sit opposite side to the girls. We were not allowed and I made a joke saying : Maybe the guys food has more carbohydrates compared to the girls side.

    During our meal, there was a couple of performance with fire where the performer will sit fire out of their mouths. It was really great but the smell of kerosene was really strong. It attracted everyone to want to watch the spectacular event. After the fire performance, the CBN band started showing off their moves playing in beats and dancing. During the performance, I went over to my best friend and chitchat with her about things and there was a couple of our friends teasing us while we talked.

    As know, the event wasn't over and we then headed back into our sits in the hall, there was then a wonderful performance by elecoldxhot which made the whole crowd go really crazy and we shouted as they danced. After them, there was a famous singer by the name of  Caprice and his partner that I didn't know. They sang and started giving our flowers for us and the girls seemed to fall in love with them. 

    How wonderful a day. After these, at 1130hours there was the closing ceremony and somehow I felt sad that it was coming to a close. I just wished that I would have lasted longer. CBN really did a good job and I applause them for their wonderful work.  

  THE END

Worst Holidays Ever

        Ever felt bored before? Well, it is how I feel right now. It is the holidays and you know holidays are suppose to be full of activities. But yet for me, my holidays are really boring and I sit here all day. I am in the second week of my holidays and I have only left my house only a few times and most of them are just for classes or meetings. Everyday I wake up not having an objective and I just don't have any objectives while feeling bored at the same time.

      The worst thing is I can't access the internet because my mum changed the password to the wifi and now, I'm left with the television. Imagine sitting in front of the television the whole day trying to bare through with no interesting shows on. I wish I could sleep the whole day but yet I can't. Why can't things be more exciting?

The Hardship Of Coupling

        Many people may look at being in a relationship as really good and is a real blessing. But there are so many things that they do not see before they get serious with someone and that is the reason why some relationships tend to crash and burn.

      Look at it this way, there are only 2 conclusions in any relationship. Either you Marry them or breakups happen. And anyone that only seeks to take advantage or rush into a relationship tend to end up at the second section. The reason for this is because they don't see ahead of them but they rather just see relationships as just feelings of the heart which will never last long. Once the party do not feel the fire of love that they use to have, they tend to look at other people and seek that fire of feelings once again. 

     Moreover, they also don't see the baggage that a relationship may bring along. For example, whatever you do and plan, you have to share with one another if not the relationship will die out pretty fast. In any relationship, truth is very important and if one can't be truthful to one another. The relationship will not last. The second is that some people that always go by the feelings do not understand commitment because they have the wrong mindset and think they can find that feeling of love in anyone as they please. They will look upon other people even though they may be committed to another and will do so if not stopped. These are very dangerous people mainly because they tend to break hearts that have trusted and depended on them which may lead to a certain turn of events which may be bad. 

       Coupling also brings along each others problem between one other. A successful relationship is also about sharing ones problem and overcoming it together. If one side don't want to handle the other party's problems. The relationship will crumble. So, the next time you have feeling for someone. Be sure you are willing to sacrifice your time and effort for one another and there is no need to rush into a relationship. Take time to think. 

A Wonderful Trip With My Friends

          Today is a very historical day for my friend and I. It has been months since we had an outing together so we all decided to get together and hangout at Pavilion Mall.

         We all met in the monorail and of course we had to wait for one really slow friend of ours. When we reached there, our film was about to start so we rushed to buy our tickets and enter the cinema. The show we watched was Dark Shadows which was acted by Johnny Depp. After the show, we were really hungry and we wanted to look for something to eat but the problem is Pavilion is a high class shopping mall. So we decided to eat at a food court which was the only thing we could afford. The meal was a great one and we talked and laughed like there was no tomorrow.

         After the meal, we were on our walk to Sticky which sold candy. On the way there, I bumped into my best friend. We didn't greet each other because her mum was beside her and I was really afraid to get scolded so I just waved my hand to her from a distance. We then started messaging each other and talk while I was with my friends.

       Meanwhile, my friends and I were in Tokyo Street just chilling and we saw a really huge DOMO! It was about human size and was really cute! We then bought some tea and headed home. Many things had happened and even though it may not be much but is the company that counts.

Feeling Jelous

        This may seem really weird that there are some girl out there which you are close to would not choose you but rather choose some other jerks. It all started like this. There was a girl out there that I am really close to. We would sometimes talk on the phone for an hour or so and sometimes when you are so close to a certain girl. You will somehow tend to have a little feelings for that particular girl and that is how I started asking her out to go on a date with me but she'd always reject me for reasons that I don't know.

      This particular girl, she is somewhat an angel to me because she is the only one that I can talk and share secrets and gossip about other people. Its suppose to be weird but somehow we wouldn't mind. We can insult each other and still laugh. That is what I consider real friends. Friends that will be by your side while you are sad and give you let you put your head on their shoulders while you cry. And she was that kind of girl.

     There was a time when she asked me how to dump a guy that she found out that was cheating on her. I advised her accordingly but little did I know, that guy was actually from my school and he was a real player of hearts. I couldn't believe my ears when she told me. The reason for this is because she knew about this guy yet she would accept him and reject me? It was really shocking since they never really talked and yet she accepted him? How could this ever happen? I would take a bullet for her and yet she'd reject me. Even though I can still laugh and smile but yet in my heart. It was a slap to my face. How can I lose to a jerk? Till now, jealousy still reeks my heart. 

The Best Dog In The World

         One of the best things that ever happened to me was getting this little fellow that I'm holding in this picture. He is my little doggy that goes by the name of "Henry Charles Albert Bailey" but in short. Henry will do just fine.

        Our love story started when I was only twelve. He was a surprise that my dad had for me. I could still remember the day when he was still a little pup. Those little eyes and the cute small little body that he use to have. He was just only around 5weeks old when we first set eyes upon him and bought him.

               The first day that he spent with us was a memorable one because it was going to be his first bath in my house. At that time, I could still carry him with only one palm. I soon found out something about my little dog. He was the kind that hardly barked and would try to eat everything he could put into his mouth. There was once during Christmas when Henry got a present . It was those little chew shoe that had flavour in it. My dog literately ate the whole thing as though it was a tiny thing. I also caught him eating stones, leaves, chilli, cloth and some other. Henry was also the kind that didn't want to "waste" food. There was one time when he drank so much milk that his stomach was starting to look bloated but yet still wanted to continue drinking it. It was then when we took the bowl away from him and his eyes looked like it was going to tear-up. Those were the days but yet I still loved him for so many more reasons.

          The things that I really love about my little son is that he is a really playful little dog. He would run around and follow me when ever I walk. Wherever I jumped he would jump the exact same place. Little Henry also doesn't really bark only when there is strangers. I could still remember the time when we trained him how to walk, sit, stay, fetch, lie down and ball. He was a little stubborn at first but we finally got the orders into the little head of his.

        Many experience and secrets was also shared with him and somehow he seemed to understand. Like there was a time when I nearly met an accident but I didn't. I went home and looked for Henry and told him everything as he sat there and listened. After I told him the whole story, Henry came closer to me and wanted me to carry him. Once I carried him, he started to lick my face. Those things really changed me and I wasn't feeling scared any more because he cared for me.

        This year on 2012. On the 10th of October. Henry would be having his 6th birthday and I hope that every year with him by my side. It would be a brighter and better one. I could never imagine my life without my little son. Henry, I love you.

Lost Opportunity.

             Few years ago, there was someone really special to me. It was someone that every single guy would dream of. And one of those guys were me. I could still remember the first time we ever met. It all started of like this: It was a wonderful afternoon when I was going back home from school and on that day, I took the wrong train and there was where our eyes met. The pretty face of yours smiling at me and I was shocked because I have never seen anyone look at me like that before. And there it was when I realised, this might be "love at first sight". I then took all the effort of my body and talk to you. Those little minutes that we had was almost like decades to me but yet when I had to leave, I didn't want to cause you were a miracle in my life. That is when we swapped numbers and there was also when it all started, just strangers that met in the train but now. Something great might happen to us and I was praying for it.

           Times passed and we kept on messaging and calling each other. Calling was the best thing cause we talked up to three in the morning even though we both had school the next day. There is when I realised that we were starting to have a thing for each other and I was READY! It took me some time until I got the guts to ask you to be my girlfriend. The things that I had been praying for finally happened. You ACCEPTED! I was a happy kid once more and I always wanted to impress you every single time we met. But yet we never met again. I still remembered one time when I made plans with you to meet up at the train station. I waited for an hour but you never came. I was wavering but yet still hopeful. 

          I called you the when I reached home and called you wanting to ask what had happened for the wait. You told me that you fell sick and I was willing to just say "okay". I was curious but never did question you if it was the truth but I didn't want to ruin what we had which was good. But then came the moment when one day. You called me while crying on the phone and I knew something BAD was about to happen.

         You told me " Matt, my friend wants to be in a relationship with me. He is my friend since we were children and I wouldn't want to break his heart.". I was shocked and didn't know what to say. You then told me "Can I be with him?" and there was when I knew you were cheating with me. The moments where I wished we could be together forever had been broken and shattered. I couldn't possibly say no cause I love you and all I wanted was for you to be happy. So I replied: okay, but we'd still be friends right?. You said "YES". I still hoped.

        Days passed when we haven't called or messaged and I was wanting to hear you voice once again. But time and time again I called and messaged you but there was not a single sound from you. I knew that you were cheating on me, playing with my feelings when I clearly LOVED you with what I had but still you threw it away. Every time I think of you, I know that you are doing better than me cause sometimes when I look into your facebook account. I see you smiling with the guy I gave you up for. That was all I need to know. A smile from your face and I know everything is still all right.

          

A day being single

              You may think that a day without you and just being friends is something I would like. But the truth is, my Heart would actually be in a real deep pain. So many days I haven't looked upon your beautiful face and spoken a single word into your ears. It is difficult and I can truly say I miss you. No words can express but the real thing is that I love you.

            Even though you still think that I take of you as a friend. Many times I asked you out but yet you reject me and I can't feel the amount of pain when you say "no". My heart shatters into a million pieces and all I can do is cry alone in my room not wanting anybody to hear my cries. Times may be hard for us but perhaps someday. You will look into my heart and understand how I really feel. The deep sadness and loneliness that I have to live with for such a long time. HOPE is all I can have right now. 

My mind so going around the bush as I try to make my Blog a little more advance.

Best feeling in a long time

Had a wonderful time with my family. It somehow memorable because it was the real laughter that we shared today. Not just that, but we went back to our childhood days and talked about the cartoons and show we used to watch when we were still young. I never felt this sense of happiness for such a long time already.

A day with no objectives, a day with no direction. Sounds like me today cause I don't know what to do.

Don't really know how to use this thing yet. Give me some time and I will learn.